Thank you everyone who responded to my question about what to say and not say to a grieving friend. Your advice was extremely helpful—especially the reminder to be real and just be yourself. Please continue to add your comments and advice to that entry.

Before I move onto other caregiving topics, I wanted to hear your thoughts about creating grief rituals and altars.

 

I recently visited Four Seasons Oasis—an unusual store in Seattle that focuses solely on grief, illness, loss, and transition. The owners are particularly interested in supporting caregivers through the many stages of a loved one’s life-threatening illness. Here’s their website: http://www.fourseasonsoasis.com.

Their “oasis” is indeed a sanctuary—filled with soft lights, lots of cushioned places to sit, flickering scented candles, and soothing music. The store offers all kinds of resources, including books, exquisite cards, gifts, pre-assembled “bereavement baskets,” attractive urns, and memorial keepsakes.

One of the products that caught my eye was a “ritual and altar” box. The box contains props and objects that can help you create an altar and personally craft your own rituals for grief. These are the basic ingredients: a handcrafted cloth, white sage, a “remembrance candle,” a picture frame, your “bill of rights,” a glass heart, a reminder to be gentle with yourself, and a ritual guide to get you started.

The Four Seasons Oasis co-owner, Shuko Hashimoto, spoke with me about the importance of ritualizing grief. Unfortunately, our culture doesn’t offer us many rituals for grief, she said, so we often have to create our own. The ritual and altar box is just one tool for helping you get started. Although it’s an inspirational box, you don’t have to buy this kit to create a meaningful ritual.

A grief ritual can be very simple and uncomplicated. It can even be something that you are already doing in your daily life, such as looking at a photo album or visiting someone’s grave site. The important thing is that the ritual connects you to your feelings and lets you experience your grief in a comfortable, safe way. Some people find that a daily prayer helps, some just light a candle. You can do this alone or with others, but keep in mind that the structure and predictability of rituals can be especially helpful for children.

I liked the idea of creating an altar too. Some people call it a shrine. The language doesn’t really matter—what matters is that you create a visual and tactile place that helps you honor and remember someone you love and miss. 

I found an excellent article about creating a Grief Shrine on the Dummis.com website. This is actually an excerpt from the book Grieving for Dummies. http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/Expressing-Grief-through-Your-Own-Rituals.id-5348.html

Many of us have experienced the loss of a loved one or may be facing that loss in the near future.  If you created a grieving altar or grieving ritual that has helped you, please tell us about it by posting a comment here. We’d all like to hear about it.

Thanks and take care.