I would like to hear from the community about this. I recently had a friend over for dinner whose husband died a few months ago. Before she arrived I felt nervous; uncertain about whether to mention her husband, his death, and how much I missed him. I wondered if there were things I should say or not say.

 

This stuck me as ironic. I am the Community Manager of a website that directly discusses illness and death, and yet there I was feeling uncertain about directly discussing death in a personal situation. Of course once my friend came over I realized that I could mention her husband and ask her how she was doing. She didn’t have to divulge more than she wanted, and she seemed relieved that I asked.

 

Even so, I still had moments when I felt awkward and inadequate during the course of the evening. I kept forgetting that I didn’t need to have answers or advice; all I needed to do was be real and listen.

 

I’m curious to know what our community members think about this. Do you have any advice on how to comfort a grieving friend or family member? Or have you recently lost a loved one and discovered that there are conversations that are comforting or offensive? Please post a comment here. I’d really like to know what you think.