I want to recommend a fantastic book about caregiving called An Uncertain Inheritance, a collection of personal essays, edited by Nell Casey. It’s not a how-to book or filled with many straight-forward tips. But this collection offers great solace and guidance to anyone who has ever cared for a sick or disabled loved one.

Eleanor Cooney writes about caring for a formerly “hip” mother with Alzheimer’s. She tells us how she clung to “optimistic visions” – ordering special brain nutrients off the internet, and dutifully laying out vitamins – while her mother declined in painful incremental ways.  

The self-proclaimed “baby of the family,” Anne Landsman, writes about a ...

Thank you everyone who responded to my question about what to say and not say to a grieving friend. Your advice was extremely helpful—especially the reminder to be real and just be yourself. Please continue to add your comments and advice to that entry.

Before I move onto other caregiving topics, I wanted to hear your thoughts about creating grief rituals and altars.

 

I recently visited Four Seasons Oasis—an unusual store in Seattle that focuses solely on grief, illness, loss, and transition. The owners are particularly interested in supporting caregivers through the many stages of a loved one’s life-threatening illness. Here’s their website: http://www.fourseasonsoasis.com.

Their “oasis” is indeed a sanctuary—filled with soft lights, lots of cushioned places to sit, flickering ...

I would like to hear from the community about this. I recently had a friend over for dinner whose husband died a few months ago. Before she arrived I felt nervous; uncertain about whether to mention her husband, his death, and how much I missed him. I wondered if there were things I should say or not say.

 

This stuck me as ironic. I am the Community Manager of a website that directly discusses illness and death, and yet there I was feeling uncertain about directly discussing death in a personal situation. Of course once my friend came over I realized that I could mention her husband and ask her how she was doing. She didn’t have to divulge more than she wanted, and she seemed relieved that I asked.

 

Even so, I still had moments when I felt awkward and inadequate during the course of the evening. I kept forgetting that I ...

 

 

As hard as it is to get started on advance planning, it’s better for everyone’s peace of mind (caregivers as well as the people they are caring for) if you talk about quality of life values, healthcare wishes, funeral planning, and prepare the necessary legal documents.

 

Most of us know how important this is, but few of us have exercised our legal right to advance planning. According to the Pew Research Center’s study i ...