Hi ann-I'm caring for my aging father now and though it's different than caring for a spouse (so many more issues there, I'm sure,) I can relate to what you are going through with the incontince (forgive my spelling). I've had to put dad in Depends and lately it's been very trying, he's now having trouble with realizing he needs to poo. Ugh--What I try to do to deal with it all, because I'm sure he's embarressed and not happy with the situation either, is to act like it's no big deal-life happens, accidents happen and we just have to deal with it. I wish you the best of everything honey, I know it's hard and I can't imagine the pain and loneliness you must be going through. If you ever want to chat you can email me (I haven't figured out these message boards yet) at: pj.sailcat@yahoo.com. My name is Pam, I'm 47 and living in New Mexico, just had to quit my job and leave my home in Denver to come and take care of dad. Hope to hear from you. Take care of YOURSELF!!! pj