I am having to provide care for my elderly mother, as well as a 43 y/o brother who is disabled due to mental illness (severe bipolar depression and some form of psychosis, which apparently is a rather "umbrella" term).  My mother has minor depression, but not severe, no demensia, etc, but, obviously is aging.  They are quite literally "codependent", as observed by several friends and close family members.  My mother "grieves" over his condition, but excuses his allowing her duplex to become a mess that is very much beyond believe (yes, think HORRIBLE, and you're still not close), then he moved in w/ her several yrs ago and their house has become inhumane.  I have to see that insurance is paid, mow thier yard, their duplex and my yard, make sure bills are paid, take her to medical appointments very often, etc.  I only live a couple of blocks away, and am called quite literally at all hours of the day or night.   I believe recent healt scares w/ my mother have greatly disturbed my brother (he is realizing mom won't be here forever).  Apart from his daily trips to Sonic and McDonalds, he basically is in their house 24/7, mostly sleeping.  This has gone on for several years now.  I have just now even found out that there is such a thing as an "overwhelmed caregiver", and the article "When and How to Say No" really caught my eye as well as the fact the very real "toll" such stress places on one is documented and acknowledged.  My problem is that if I ask my mother to look at assisted living (there are very nice facilities nearby), my brother tells her it is a nursing home and I am wanting to "put them away"..... This is in spite of my helping him over 10+ yrs w/ his problems (w/out going too far, examples are a pharmacist calling me when he forged presc., manic episodes of him getting DUI and me flying to that city and driving him home, and other far more embarrassing and dangerous incidents)...I tell him if I had a bad motive, why would I have done all that....and more.  He now is telling everyone he can that I'm wanting to put my mother "away" and steal her money.  I was in banking and have worked w/ the public trust for 20+yrs and am very sensitive to being open and accountable.  My friends at the bank called me yesterday and told me he is scaring them, will come in "looking crazy", unclean and smelling, and appears to be "conspiring" against me.  This has crossed my "boundaries" and I've told my mother....she says he's just scared, lost a pet recently, and his spewings are just "silly"..... but, not to me.  She called me several times yesterday wanting things paid, etc and I"ve had to tell her that I cannot continue to do what she asks as long as he is in this "condition".  I know the easy answer from the outside, is "deal" w/ him, call the authorities, etc....but my mother always panics when I mention having to do this.  I do plan to visit w/ my attorney because I have no choice but to take his threats to "do me in", to "ruin me", etc seriously.  Incidently, I know no one here knows me and we all can present things from our own perspective, but I have ALWAYS kept my mother's business in the open.....I've kept the paperwork etc in an open place and told everyone I will sign off for them to review my accounts, etc.  Dishonesty, etc. again, is where I draw the line and simply do not want even the faintest suspicion in the back of any family member's mind.  Thanks.